The betrayal Chapter 19

What the hell?

Chapter 19

Upon arrival back in the city, Musuku called Masala and they met up in the mercury mall, they were so happy to see each other and they couldn't contain themselves.

They were hugging like a couple that is used to each other and has been dating for long.

"Feels like I have not seen you in forever" Musuku said to Masala.

"I know babe I miss you just as much, I hardly slept because I could not wait to be with you today, and now you are finally in my arms" Masala said as he looked deep into her eyes.

She shied away and but held on to his hand and started walking towards Joy-land.

The couple had fun playing all kinds of games which Masala deliberately let Musuku win except for one, he threw the basket balls into the hoop one after the other until he won 3000 tickets.

He redeemed the tickets for a big brown teddy bear , it was the most adorable thing ever.

They had dinner and he drove her home, when they got to the front of her porch they hugged goodnight and he left.

Masala's POV

The moment I got home I found my aunt waiting for me outside the gate and she looked angry as hell, she was walking up and down the steep and talking to herself.

As soon as i got closer to her she opened the door and pulled me out of the car "what the hell are you doing?

Do you not realise how this excuse of a relationship is going to cost my son?

You need to accomplish the mission you promised before you can even settle down, no one must know about this" she hissed at me.

"I am no longer interested in any accomplishments, I do not owe you anything, if anything, you and your son are the ones that owe me  a hell lot, you have used up my parents funds for your own selfish ambitions and we are about to go broke" I answered back feeling angry all of a sudden.

"You cannot do this, I will not allow you, if I have to I will kill that new girl and that way you will have no reason to feel so high and mighty.

You will not break off the agreement" she said with her eyes on fire for evil, I got a chill down my spine, because I knew she meant it, she was going to kill the girl of my dreams.

I walked past her and asked the security guy to park my car in as I tossed my keys over to him and walked into the house.

"it is time I left this house and found a place of my own and moved out of this house, I will leave them with all these riches, sell my 4cars, leave my beach house for renting and also rent out all our ships and boats in the coast, I will use the money to establish my own business and leave the family company behind, I cannot deal with all this anymore" I thought to myself.

When I entered my bedroom, walking out was Lufuno, my cousin Tendani's wife, she had nothing but a towel on and as soon as she saw me, she threw herself on my bed pulled up the towel to give me a better view of her thighs.

"What on earth do you think you are doing in my room, why must you use my shower and enter my room as you please in my absence? Didn't your husband teach you any manners?" I shouted at her in frustration.

Ever since she married into the family two years ago, she has always tried to seduce me and get into my bed and I have had to resist and reject her time and again, I was getting tired of this constant behavior.

"You know you want me, when last did you touch me? Masala please I need you to make me feel like a woman, your cousin is less of a man than you could ever be, I do not love him anymore, I want you please" she pleaded.

"Get out of my room and don't ever mention about me touching you because I have never touched you, I loved you once and you blew it because of money so leave okay and don't ever enter my room in my absence, even in my presence I don't ever want to see you again" I told her and I opened the door to show her out.

She started to whimper as she touched my face instead of leaving, she kissed my neck and pressed her body against mine "please just this once" she whispered in my ears as her tears dropped on my chest.

"I cant, just go okay, you are my cousins wife now so respect that and let me be, besides, I have found my soul mate, the one that I love and would like to spend the rest of my life with, I can't begin this marriage this way" I told her as I looked into her sad pleading eyes.

I felt the old feelings I once had for her linger somewhere within my heart, I clenched my fists as my hands threatened to touch her, I wanted to take her there and then but I fought the urge and looked away.

She stood tippy toed and kissed me, I just stood still not sure what to do, I wanted to push her off me but I just couldn't, I held on to her and I kissed her back, I allowed all my passions to shower her lips and just when this were about to escalate, I stopped and pushed her off me, we were then on my bed and her towel was off.

I looked at her with disgust and closed my eyes holding my head with both hands "what have I just done? I've betrayed her even before we started, GET OUT" I shouted at her feeling angry from what just happened.

To be honest I did not know if I was angry at her or myself for being so weak and easily influenced, why doesn't she just leave me alone? I really need to get out of here, I am getting tired of this, every night I must be fighting her out of my room, I can't have this anymore.

She ran out of my room and I wiped my lips from the back of my hand and made sure my room was locked in case she would sneak back in at night.

I decided to call Musuku and to be honest I wasn't sure if my need to make the call was sincere of just the guilt killing me, what was I going to say to her and would I tell her what just happened? I do not want to lie to her.

After three rings she picked up and she sounded a bit off "hello babe, what are you up to?"

"Nothing much, I'm just trying to deal with the revelation I just received right now and I am wondering just how you intend to make this work" she replied.

"Uhm babe I'm confused, what are you talking about?" I retorted.

"I mean the deception that is beginning in such an early age of this newly found relationship; it seems you are not being totally honest with me and that is not settling very well within me" she said.

"Wait babe, what are you going on about, what am I not being honest about and where do you get such crazy ideas about me?" I asked still acting dumb.

My mind was so busy trying to figure out how she could know about what happened tonight and if she was actually referring to the incident with Lufuno, my heart skipped two beats at the horrors of what would happen if she was talking about what I just thought.

"I just received a revelation that you are hiding something from me and it seems like you will be deceiving me a whole lot more from what I saw but what I hate is that nothing is clear and I have to depend on your explanations to be out in the open and to understand what is going on" she explained.

"To make matters worse I even prayed about it and nothing further was revealed, I am told this is a portion of my own desires and therefore I must exercise my own godly powers on earth and make my own choices and decisions" she ranted sounding mighty frustrated.

"Babe relax, you are not making any sense right now, you are probably making a mountain out of a molehill, maybe you are just so scared of loosing me that its making you paranoid and you are starting to create theories and mistaking them to be revelations" I tried to convince her with the hope that she buys into my story.

"No I have never made such mistakes my whole life; I know a revelation when I see it because it comes in a certain form which I am not willing explain right now" she said.

"In fact you know what? I think I need time to just be in my own space because right now my mind is not functioning the way it should, I am not even sure about my gifts anymore, maybe this relationship is just too bad for me, just give me some space and I will call you back as soon as I have my feelings sorted" She said then hung up.

"Hello, babe wait please, hello, hell............."

My goodness what is all this? Just like that she is asking for space, what is happening though? Could she really have gotten a revelation of the mistake? I can't lose her like this; I would just be a failure like my father and I cannot afford that at all.

At that I switched off the lights and prayed for forgiveness from God for misleading the poor girl, it does not make sense why I would try and kill her gift by making her doubt it.

I tried calling her one last time but failed to get through; it was as though each time I called she was simply pressing the reject button, frustration took me over and I wept below my blankets "Lord I am sorry, if you can give me one last chance to make things right, I will treat her like a queen, please bring her back to me, I need my wife" I wept in the darkness before there was a knock on the door.

I was astonished as to who would knock at that time of the hour, when I looked at the time it was 11pm, I quickly got out of bed and went to the bathroom to clean my face before I went to go open the door.

WHAT THE HELL?...................................

The practical hidden lesson of utmost dependence on God

As Christians we are to depend on God for all that we need and until we understand to what level and length, we tend to not realise when God is teaching us how to fully depend on Him.

All we realise are the hardships of our daily lives, how painful and miserable life can be how it feels like God has abandoned us because we are going through so much in this cruel world.

Question posed is, if we did not go through these tough times and hardships, how then would we depend on God, where would we get the opportunities to call upon Him for dependence?

Why would we need to depend on anyone if we did not have any reasons to feel weary and weak? If we never lacked the strength to keep going why would it have to be provided?

If we never lacked the heart to be strong and everything was always smooth, why would we need provision for the support from the creator?

And when we do actually go through these hardships and then move our dependence for support and provision from God to people, why will He not give us bigger challenges that men cannot resolve?

When would we get time to look unto him and seek him with all of our hearts unless we are put in situations that leave us with no choice but to look up to Him and seek Refuge and strength.

If problems too big for us, the world and our friends are not given to us where our only option left is to look upon the creator of all things who possesses all solutions to all problems of the world when would we get the chance to do that?

When would God get the deserved dependence upon Him from His people? As the glory of young men is in their strength and ability to provide for their household, God’s glory is His ability to provide for His children as they depend upon Him.

A married man would hate to see his wife and children depend on somebody else for their supply of anything that he himself is able to provide for them, same goes with God.

Isaiah 40:31 those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

The strength of men is not everlasting, but that of GOD IS, If you spared men the efforts to be your strength, God would fill you with His own strength that does not run out, you would mount up with wings like eagles.

As the eagle who is the king of birds soars the highest into the heavens, believers are to live a heavenly life, in the very presence, joy and love of GOD, they are to live where God lives and they need HIS strength to rise there.

Eagle wings are given only by eagle birth, as you are born Of GOD, you have eagle wings, you may not  have known it, may not have used them but when you depend on God, you create an atmosphere for Him to teach you how to use your God given wings.

For an eaglet to be taught to use its wings, it is pushed off from its precipice which is a thousand feet high by its mother, as it flutters and falls and sinks towards the depth, the mother hovers above the young one spreading her wings to carry it back to its place of safety, she does this over and over again until the eaglets eventually masters to use its own wings.

The same way with God, He stirs up your nest, disappoints your hopes and brings down your confidence, makes you fear and tremble as all your own strength fails and you feel utterly weary and helpless, and all the while He is spreading His wings waiting for you to rest your weakness on Him and offering His everlasting creator strength to work in you.

This is the lesson we all fail to see God teaching us, over and over again we go through difficult times, disappointments and hurt, all we see from it is the devil at work and we continue to try and depend on ourselves and ask God to help us, yes we seek the help from Him but what we miss is the lesson of utmost dependence on Him.

If we do not go through the difficult times, we will never master the skill of utmost dependence on God, this lesson will never sink in to the depth of the last level which GOD expects our dependence on Him to reach. “Excellence in dependence on God” is the lesson some hardships are meant to teach us.

The void

Many a time we find ourselves creating solid attachments with the people we invest most of our time in

It might be that friendship with that special friend who understands you better than your parents

A relationship with that one person that has found a different kind of favour in your feelings and emotions

The comfort of getting used to having your parents around and seeing them on a daily basis

It is the different kinds of bonds with the different people that are branded as special in our lives that creates the entrance point for the infliction of feeling voided

When life denies you the possibility to be with those you normally spend your time with, you feel the chill of the winter breeze creep into you.

You do not realise as it creeps in, you just find yourself feeling unfunctional, disturbed, uncomfortable in your own body, unstable in your mind as different thoughts sweep in and out of your mind.

It’s as though your body starts to search for something worthy to fill the void, to keep busy, to overshadow that feeling of discomfort and erase the void by simply replacing the activities of that moment with something else.

If you find something or someone else to keep you busy it normally helps to ease the troubled mind, but if you don’t you just feel different mood swings overcome you, one moment you want to laugh and the next you want to cry, the last resort is anger.

You find yourself angry at the person who is missing at the moment, the void filler of the moment is then an enemy, you want to curse them and blame them for the discomfort and uselessness you undergoing at that time, but is it really their fault?

Change the direction of your priorities now and look at the best way to stay filled, expel, prevent and completely erase room for voids to ambush you and steal your joy.

Most have no need for spiritual identification and belief for the penniless freedom that the deep realisations from revelations can offer them.

Makes no sense to a non-believer how free they actually are the moment they choose to follow the path of light that only strives to grant them the freedom they desire.

The only one true love who is sufficient for all and fills the void without an effort, without second thoughts and without consequence.

At the age 15 when one becomes born of Christ, before the mind is corrupt and aware of the offers of the world, Christ is the only centre of focus with the help of the holy spirit that guides, comforts, reveals  and edifies.

At all times Christ if given the full heart he is always there, never leaves, never forsakes, always found when seeked, all you have to do is call.

So if you can invest all your emotions, thoughts and feelings on the Trinity, then you have closed all doors and permanently denied the void entrance.

The void will never know you or torture you with all the other solutions that might destroy you if you are always filled.

You will have no need for neediness; your emotions cease to be the play ground for mood swings as you are always sitting in the warmth of true comfort.

The evil the void can do to you is unimaginable; it pushes your thoughts from one foolish decision to the next.

You seek its filling by looking for all sorts of companies from different kinds of people, how can you find the same purpose of the person who creates the void in a different person who is not the void creator.

You cannot seek to fill spiritual hunger by eating the food of the flesh because the two do not go together, you would need to find the relevant tool for the right purpose of which if you cannot find at the moment the only option you have in order to eliminate regret is to wait.

Now why not choose the solution that would never lead you to waiting and find a permanent filling for that void?

Set yourself free from the ugly bondage of “the  void”